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chinese.txt
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1997-04-16
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P R E F A C E
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A lot of Yankees might have been thinking I lack a sense
of humor. This is of course completely wrong. Actually, I was
simply too busy to joke in the past. Now with all my official po-
sitions resigned, I finally got time to work out the following
jokes. I hope all of you could enjoy them like we did here. A few
days ago, I called all the staffs and officials working in the
Great Hall of the People together to listen to these jokes. The
hall all roared with laughter like a hell. Jiang Zemin laughed so
hard that he even rolled all over the floor, while Li Peng was
only able to pretend laughing in a bitter and unwilling way.
Whatever your reactions would be to these jokes, please remember
that the famous Deng Xiaoping's law holds everywhere universally,
namely:
(1) If you get the kick, you are promised a candidacy for
the future position of Jiang Zemin;
(2) If you don't, you are as stupid as Li Peng;
(3) If you want to be a noisy donkey, shut up!
(4) If you don't like them, you die!
I would like to post them to SCC for the first time, for
the sake of a few ugly Chinamans I like. I may asked my friend to
forward them to rec.humor later. Bon jour!
Deng Xiaoping
Beijing, China
A Chinese worker was turned to police by his brother after June
4th crackdown. He was reported to have said ``Li Peng looks very
stupid sometimes!'' when watching TV with his brother. However,
the cops were too busy on searching for those fugitive elites to
deal with such a trivial thing. They decided that they would
release this guy if he made an statement to correct what he al-
legedly had said. So he was finally freed with a correct state-
ment -- ``Li Peng does not look very stupid sometimes.''
----------------------------------------------------
Beijing's hard-line President Yang Shangkun finally came up with
an idea to retaliate the economical sanction imposed by the US in
protesting China's violation of human rights. In his letter to
President Bush brought back by the US special envoy, President
Yang threatened that, if the current deteriorated Sino-US rela-
tionship continued, China would consider to cut off the export of
broccoli to the United States.
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Q: How many Chinese students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: About 5,000 in late 1986 when they tossed away Hu Yaobang
and Zhao Ziyang was the new light bulb; about 100,000 in
mid-1989 when they tossed away Zhao Ziyang and Jiang Zemin
was the new light bulb.
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During his recent summit trip to USSR, China's hard-line premier
Li Peng had been warmly welcomed by the country where he once
spent several years as a Chinese abroad student. Naturally, he
would seize every opportunity to show off his knowledge of Rus-
sian language. Here his eyes happened to be caught by this book
<<Kak Zakalialas' Stal'>> (The Forging of Steel) of Nikolai Os-
trovski on the Russian literature shelf during a visit to the
biggest bookstore in Moscow with Gorbachev and other Soviet
VIP's. He then told Gorby that this book would be very valuable
to China's iron & steel industry if it were translated into
Chinese.
However, Arkhipov, the first chairman of the Soviet Council of
Ministers kindly reminded his Chinese guest of that this book had
been already translated into Chinese entitled <<Gang1 Tie3 Shi4
Zen3 Yang4 Lian4 Cheng2 De>> and it was loved by many Chinese
youth even way back when he was then an expert to China in
1950's. For breaking up the embarrassment, Gorbachev joked
Arkhipov,``Comrade, I hope you hadn't made the impression that it
was our beloved hero Ostrovski who should be blamed for Mao's
failure of his Steel Campaign in the Great Leap Forward period.''
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Copyright (C) by Deng Xiaoping, 1990
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All rights reserved under Beijing International
Copyright Bureau. Permit is guaranteed to any
individual who wants to distribute or reproduce
for non-commercial purpose, under the condition
that the entirety of the work is preserved and
this copyright notice is included.
------------------------------------------------
ObJoke: Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get the Chinese newspaper. Get it?
No.
Me neither. I get the New York Times.
----------------------------------------------------
The current premier of China Li Peng is quite stupid. He was sent to
Soviet Union to study engineering when he was young. On the first day
of his arrival at the city, a Russian comrade accompanied him on the
street.The comrade told Li Peng that according to traffic rules cars
must use the right half of the road. Li Peng was puzzled:
Who will use the left half?
----------------------------------------------------
Walking down the street I came upon a store front with a sign reading
Ole Olsen's Chinese Laundry. Curious, I entered. I asked the old Chinese man
behind the counter who Ole Olson was. He said that he was Ole Olsen. He then
proceeded to tell me the story how he became Ole Olsen.
When he came to this country in the old days, he was in a very long line at
the department of immigration. He finally got near the front of the line
and heard the immigration officer ask the fellow in front of him, "Name?"
Ole Olsen, came the reply. Next was his turn. "Name?" So he told him his
name, "Sam Ting." Ever since then he has been known as Ole Olsen.
----------------------------------------------------